Have you ever just had one of those nights that is more like a week or maybe a month or two where you just can't seem to get over the hill to where the sunshine is? Some days I am right at the top of that hill and I see the beauty that is on the other side. Other days I am headed down that hill into the beauty and sunshine and life is amazing. But there seems to be quite a few days where I am stuck, in a hard climb that involves slipping down that hill or having to find a new path to take because i reached a dead end and I am in the gloomy side of that hill. I know that the sunshine is there. I know that because I have been there I have seen the sun I have felt the warmth and excitement it brings. I need to find a big rock, or a big tree to tie myself around when I get on the sunny side of that hill so that I don't go wandering back or quickly pulled back to the gloomy and dreary side. It can be dreadful on that side of the hill.
Maybe change will help me get all the way to the bottom of that sunshine side of the hill. A new job, new doors of possibilities are opening, maybe that is all that it takes. Although I find it hard to believe that I will never wander back or be pulled back there. But I can always hope.
I find myself in the gloom more often than in the warmth. Yes there are days where I just give up and succumb into the dark and dreary side. It is so tiring battling my way up when sooner or later I will be right back where I started from. It's life, everyone has good days and bad days. I would love to be a person who has bad moments, not days, weeks or even months. I know that I will always have this hill to deal with. I started in a big deep pit and never thought I was ever going to get out. But I did with the help of God, family and friends. But for some reason, it almost seems that this hill that I need to overcome is my burden and that no one else can help me. I shouldn't say that because I do believe that people have helped me get to the top and even make my way down, but they can't keep me there. My burden is to try to figure out how to stay there, how I can make that beautiful place my new home. I would like a nice vacation on that beautiful and warm side at least. Really I think I'd settle for that right now. Just something to renew my spirit and energy. It would be a nice boost and it would help me see that the long hard climb to the top is well worth it.
Then again, maybe I need to explore the whole hill that I face. Both the gloomy and the warm. Maybe I will find places of light on the dark side, a river maybe even a nice rain. Those are beautiful and they are very cleansing. Everything is cleaned, the dirt and grime is washed away and there is a new beginning and it brings life.
I would much rather stay on the sunkissed side of the hill and have a few days over in the gloom. Gloomy is sometimes needed too just as is sun. Sun all the time would seem to be too much, at least to me.
Today is a day on the gloomy side. Hopefully through out the night I will make that climb to the sun kissed side of the hill and enjoy all of it's beauty and warmth tomorrow. And maybe tomorrow will be the day where I set up camp for a vacation or for good on that sunkissed side of my hill.
Sunday, May 6, 2007
Monday, April 30, 2007
The DaVinci Code what if's
So I just finished watching the DaVinci Code and instead of going to bed all these thoughts run through my head as they did after I read the book and watched the movie the first time. I know I need to read the book that tells all about the facts of the DaVinci Code but until I do here are some questions I ponder.
What if ANY of that was true? Any of it! Meaning....what if Mary Magdelayne (sorry on the spelling let's just call her Mary M) was his wife. We all have heard stories and have some thought in our mind whether they were involved or not. In many marriages the remaining spouse is the one who carries on the spouse who passed away's wishes and desires. So what if Jesus really did want for Mary M (if there is any fact to it) to run his Church? What if all the teachings and all his wishes and those that were passed on from God to him, were passed on to Mary M and she was to teach us?
Are we living a lie? Are we living in sin because that is not what we have been taught to believe? Will God understand that we were misguided and that it is not our fault and we will be forgiven?
What if it is true that there is a living blood line today. Can that really be traced through time, and if so, wouldn't you think that someone would have come out and said hey....I'm a decendent of Jesus? I know we are all decendents of Adam and Eve who were created by God, but Jesus came along later.
Do you really think there is, some where, all these teachings and books and gospels and stories that were written once upon a time by these people....Peter, Mary M Etc...that are concealed some where? That were not put into the Bible that we read today? Which understandably is also different due to our different beliefs. (If the Lutheran Church did not believe in Mary but the Catholic Chuch does then shouldn't the Catholic Church be wondering all these questions about a blood line to Jesus and celebrating Mary M?)
Do you really think that the Catholic Church, or any Church for that matter really would cover up the possibility that Jesus was married, that he was married to Mary M whom they titled as a prostitute and that they may have had a child together? And if that is true then what does that say about the Church? What does it say about me and my faith for wondering all of these things?
i think it would be cool as shit if there was the sarcophagus of Mary M and they could CSI that shit and start tracing the blood line, but of course, none of that would have been possible until science came up with all that. So we wouldn't have the ability to trace from way back in the day the DNA from anyone believed to have been a decendent from Mary M and Jesus. But if they could CSI it right now and then start CSI-ing all DNA of people today would they find the link?
What if someone, who didn't know that they were the offspring of Mary M and Jesus, didn't produce children either they couldn't, didn't want to, or no one wanted to with them. Should someone know they are a decendent of Jesus so that they are required and almost expected to produce offspring to carry the lineage on? Or do you not make that known? Then the line dies there? although, that's assuming that only one child came from each offspring of Mary M. There could be multiple blood lines out there today, multiple decendents directly of Jesus.
Are they automatically accepted into heaven because they are offspring of Jesus himself? Or will God hold them accountable for their actions like he does to all of us? Will those of Jesus' lineage be good people, very religious and faithful? Will they walk the steps that Jesus walked and not be tempted?
And the painting. The picture of Mary M at the Last Supper, the lack of multiple Chalice's let alone one....was that true? Was the Church angry and did DaVinci have to repaint it? Was the negative space between Mary M and Jesus truly a symbol for the Holy Grail....as depicted in the movie or was it just coincidence? When you place Mary M and Jesus next to each other, like they did in the picture and they match up....was that just done for the movie? So many questions!
Why would none of the disciples...Matthew, Mark, Luke or John talk of Mary M? Talk of the importance? Was it a cover up?
Is there really an Opus Dei? Was that a group back in the day and are there still unrecognized groups of them? Are they killing to keep the power of the Church secret?
Are there the keepers? Are they protecting the Holy Grail? Is the Holy Grail actually Mary M? Is it a chalice?
And lastly, if Mary M was a wife to Jesus and did bare a child that was Jesus' should she be recognized in the Church like Mary, Jesus' mother is? Should she be a Saint because she fled (according to the movie) to protect the child that she had with Jesus? Should there be a statue or her and Jesus together? Or of her and the child of Jesus?
All too many questions! And who would you go to? If this movie and book would have been out in High School we would have had a grand old time with our Religion teacher, especially if it were a nun, discussing this topic. although I would assume that any religious figure would throw the inquiries out and not discuss them at all. In doing so, are they protecting the Holy Grail and the thoughts and theories that Mary M was indeed Jesus' wife and had a child with him but that it would destroy the history of the Church? Are they disreguarding it because that is what they were told to do? Or do they have facts that prove it to be untrue?
Too bad that Jesus wasn't born in the times of today. Where we do have the technology to prove or disprove things. We could certainly get a DNA sample and if Mary M had a kid or later down the road this whole DaVinci Code stuff came to surface with Mary M having a kid, things being hidden, etc....we could sort through the truths and make believe. But, if he was born in the times of today, I wouldn't have all these what if's right now.
I am going to go to bed and think about this all night or at least until I fall asleep. But it really puzzles me. Because there are always what if's with relgion. That is why it is called Faith. However, these what if's could be severely damaging to Faith and to Relgion. Maybe if I make it to heaven and Jesus can schedule me in, he and I can sit down and talk about all this. I'm pretty sure no one will ever know, at least not until we get to heaven.
What if ANY of that was true? Any of it! Meaning....what if Mary Magdelayne (sorry on the spelling let's just call her Mary M) was his wife. We all have heard stories and have some thought in our mind whether they were involved or not. In many marriages the remaining spouse is the one who carries on the spouse who passed away's wishes and desires. So what if Jesus really did want for Mary M (if there is any fact to it) to run his Church? What if all the teachings and all his wishes and those that were passed on from God to him, were passed on to Mary M and she was to teach us?
Are we living a lie? Are we living in sin because that is not what we have been taught to believe? Will God understand that we were misguided and that it is not our fault and we will be forgiven?
What if it is true that there is a living blood line today. Can that really be traced through time, and if so, wouldn't you think that someone would have come out and said hey....I'm a decendent of Jesus? I know we are all decendents of Adam and Eve who were created by God, but Jesus came along later.
Do you really think there is, some where, all these teachings and books and gospels and stories that were written once upon a time by these people....Peter, Mary M Etc...that are concealed some where? That were not put into the Bible that we read today? Which understandably is also different due to our different beliefs. (If the Lutheran Church did not believe in Mary but the Catholic Chuch does then shouldn't the Catholic Church be wondering all these questions about a blood line to Jesus and celebrating Mary M?)
Do you really think that the Catholic Church, or any Church for that matter really would cover up the possibility that Jesus was married, that he was married to Mary M whom they titled as a prostitute and that they may have had a child together? And if that is true then what does that say about the Church? What does it say about me and my faith for wondering all of these things?
i think it would be cool as shit if there was the sarcophagus of Mary M and they could CSI that shit and start tracing the blood line, but of course, none of that would have been possible until science came up with all that. So we wouldn't have the ability to trace from way back in the day the DNA from anyone believed to have been a decendent from Mary M and Jesus. But if they could CSI it right now and then start CSI-ing all DNA of people today would they find the link?
What if someone, who didn't know that they were the offspring of Mary M and Jesus, didn't produce children either they couldn't, didn't want to, or no one wanted to with them. Should someone know they are a decendent of Jesus so that they are required and almost expected to produce offspring to carry the lineage on? Or do you not make that known? Then the line dies there? although, that's assuming that only one child came from each offspring of Mary M. There could be multiple blood lines out there today, multiple decendents directly of Jesus.
Are they automatically accepted into heaven because they are offspring of Jesus himself? Or will God hold them accountable for their actions like he does to all of us? Will those of Jesus' lineage be good people, very religious and faithful? Will they walk the steps that Jesus walked and not be tempted?
And the painting. The picture of Mary M at the Last Supper, the lack of multiple Chalice's let alone one....was that true? Was the Church angry and did DaVinci have to repaint it? Was the negative space between Mary M and Jesus truly a symbol for the Holy Grail....as depicted in the movie or was it just coincidence? When you place Mary M and Jesus next to each other, like they did in the picture and they match up....was that just done for the movie? So many questions!
Why would none of the disciples...Matthew, Mark, Luke or John talk of Mary M? Talk of the importance? Was it a cover up?
Is there really an Opus Dei? Was that a group back in the day and are there still unrecognized groups of them? Are they killing to keep the power of the Church secret?
Are there the keepers? Are they protecting the Holy Grail? Is the Holy Grail actually Mary M? Is it a chalice?
And lastly, if Mary M was a wife to Jesus and did bare a child that was Jesus' should she be recognized in the Church like Mary, Jesus' mother is? Should she be a Saint because she fled (according to the movie) to protect the child that she had with Jesus? Should there be a statue or her and Jesus together? Or of her and the child of Jesus?
All too many questions! And who would you go to? If this movie and book would have been out in High School we would have had a grand old time with our Religion teacher, especially if it were a nun, discussing this topic. although I would assume that any religious figure would throw the inquiries out and not discuss them at all. In doing so, are they protecting the Holy Grail and the thoughts and theories that Mary M was indeed Jesus' wife and had a child with him but that it would destroy the history of the Church? Are they disreguarding it because that is what they were told to do? Or do they have facts that prove it to be untrue?
Too bad that Jesus wasn't born in the times of today. Where we do have the technology to prove or disprove things. We could certainly get a DNA sample and if Mary M had a kid or later down the road this whole DaVinci Code stuff came to surface with Mary M having a kid, things being hidden, etc....we could sort through the truths and make believe. But, if he was born in the times of today, I wouldn't have all these what if's right now.
I am going to go to bed and think about this all night or at least until I fall asleep. But it really puzzles me. Because there are always what if's with relgion. That is why it is called Faith. However, these what if's could be severely damaging to Faith and to Relgion. Maybe if I make it to heaven and Jesus can schedule me in, he and I can sit down and talk about all this. I'm pretty sure no one will ever know, at least not until we get to heaven.
Friday, March 16, 2007
Inconsiderate person number 1 came and grabbed their clothing from on top of the dryers that Inconsiderate person number 2 took out. However Inconsiderate person number 2's stuff is still in the dryers. So I went and removed yet another load of their laundry...this time towels...so that I will not only have underwear and a sweatshirt to wear once they are dry but I will also have a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. So I am set, except that I still have one load that needs to go into the dryer that is sitting in the washing machine because Inconsiderate person number 2 has yet to come and be considerate!
Today is a day of boredom. The past week has been a week of boredom. So today, my options were to watch the College Basketball Tournament or do laundry. I opted for laundry. So I started sorting all my clothes out...white items....black items....blue items....red items....sweatshirts....towels....and undies. I'm set and ready to go. I grab my bottle of detergent and I grab my $1.50 in quarters and head to the laundry room. Wouldn't you guess it? Someone has used up all 3 washing machines. Which is perfectly fine when I do it. But NOT fine when someone else does it. So I wait. When 30 minutes are up I go back out there to find that they have taken someone else's laundry out of the dryer and put it on top of it. They have filled all 3 dryers with their laundry, and also filled 2 other washing machines full of clothes leaving the middle machine, which for whatever reason does not get all of the water out of the clothes so they are sopping wet and need to be in the dryer for 2 cycles. Anyway. I'm desperate. I have nothing to wear not even a pair of underwear so it had to be done. I toss a load of undies in the machine, not even thinking it's the one that doesn't work, and then I throw in 2 sweatshirts just so I have something to wear for tonight. And it's a sweatshirt that I don't mind drying. I head back after an hour to check on the laundry situation. Well their clothes are done, but they aren't out. So I'm getting frustrated because I need to do laundry. My husband and I can not go to the bar naked tonight...it wouldn't be good for business! I come back in, I waste time on the computer, I go back out. Still nothing. I'm getting pissed. I come back in I start venting I wait. I head back in there and they have yet to come back for their laundry, nor have the people that had their laundry removed from the dryer from the person using them now. So I decide I'm sick of it. I take a load of jeans out of the dryer, I'm courteous, I don't want to touch other people's underwear and I wouldn't like it if my underwear was on display so I take out the jeans. I put em on a washing machine that has clothes in it that are dry, quarters in the little slots but the top is wide open. I close it and put the clothes on there. I throw my clothes in the dryer and throw one more load of laundry in because for some reason a washing machine opened up with out the exchange of the clothes in the dryer. I go back to check to see if MAYBE just MAYBE they would have removed their clothes yet. ABSOLUTELY NOT! If I leave my clothes in there that is perfectly fine! It's great and wonderful. But if someone else does that is NOT OK! So I take the clothes that I put in the other machine that had opened up and put them into the one that doesn't work just to sit there and throw another load in. I checked the dryers incase a miracle happened....no. But I did notice that someone put money in their dryer but didn't push the button to turn it on. This pisses me off because I could be using that dryer! So I started it for them. I just went back to check on my clothes that are sopping wet to run them again. Nothing different. I'm angry, I'm furious, I want to go knock on every door in this building and ask them if their clothes are in the laundry room and if they are they better get em the hell out. The clothes I want to take out next are damp. I want to be a jerk but I don't want to be a jerk. But I have 1 hour to dry two loads of clothes in one dryer that takes about an hour to dry! OH the stress! I NEED CLOTHES PEOPLE! I don't care if you need clothes! All that matters is that I do! COME AND GET YOUR LAUNDRY OUT OF THE FRICKEN DRYER!
So in closing, it's ok if I leave my clothes in there for ungodly amounts of time, don't worry about me. But it's not ok if you do it. Especially on a day where I want to do laundry!
So in closing, it's ok if I leave my clothes in there for ungodly amounts of time, don't worry about me. But it's not ok if you do it. Especially on a day where I want to do laundry!
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