My Hill

Have you ever just had one of those nights that is more like a week or maybe a month or two where you just can't seem to get over the hill to where the sunshine is? Some days I am right at the top of that hill and I see the beauty that is on the other side. Other days I am headed down that hill into the beauty and sunshine and life is amazing. But there seems to be quite a few days where I am stuck, in a hard climb that involves slipping down that hill or having to find a new path to take because i reached a dead end and I am in the gloomy side of that hill. I know that the sunshine is there. I know that because I have been there I have seen the sun I have felt the warmth and excitement it brings. I need to find a big rock, or a big tree to tie myself around when I get on the sunny side of that hill so that I don't go wandering back or quickly pulled back to the gloomy and dreary side. It can be dreadful on that side of the hill.

Maybe change will help me get all the way to the bottom of that sunshine side of the hill. A new job, new doors of possibilities are opening, maybe that is all that it takes. Although I find it hard to believe that I will never wander back or be pulled back there. But I can always hope.

I find myself in the gloom more often than in the warmth. Yes there are days where I just give up and succumb into the dark and dreary side. It is so tiring battling my way up when sooner or later I will be right back where I started from. It's life, everyone has good days and bad days. I would love to be a person who has bad moments, not days, weeks or even months. I know that I will always have this hill to deal with. I started in a big deep pit and never thought I was ever going to get out. But I did with the help of God, family and friends. But for some reason, it almost seems that this hill that I need to overcome is my burden and that no one else can help me. I shouldn't say that because I do believe that people have helped me get to the top and even make my way down, but they can't keep me there. My burden is to try to figure out how to stay there, how I can make that beautiful place my new home. I would like a nice vacation on that beautiful and warm side at least. Really I think I'd settle for that right now. Just something to renew my spirit and energy. It would be a nice boost and it would help me see that the long hard climb to the top is well worth it.

Then again, maybe I need to explore the whole hill that I face. Both the gloomy and the warm. Maybe I will find places of light on the dark side, a river maybe even a nice rain. Those are beautiful and they are very cleansing. Everything is cleaned, the dirt and grime is washed away and there is a new beginning and it brings life.

I would much rather stay on the sunkissed side of the hill and have a few days over in the gloom. Gloomy is sometimes needed too just as is sun. Sun all the time would seem to be too much, at least to me.

Today is a day on the gloomy side. Hopefully through out the night I will make that climb to the sun kissed side of the hill and enjoy all of it's beauty and warmth tomorrow. And maybe tomorrow will be the day where I set up camp for a vacation or for good on that sunkissed side of my hill.